Sandy Toes and Sun Tanned Bodies

Well Friends...I promised I would report back with my verdict on what has better beaches.  And the results.........I Can't decide! Sorry!  Non-the-less, we had a wonderful vacation.  Warm sun, sandy toes, salt water kisses, tanned bodies, and wonderful wonderful wonderful food. 

We started our trip the night before our flight when we stayed with my AMAZING brother in law and sister in law (Brian's older brother).  We got to go to our nephews high school baseball game that just happened to be the sectional finals.  Sadly he has bone chips in his elbow so he was not able to play, but we still got to see him with his team.  And in all honesty if I told Brian to plan  a weeks vacation doing ANYTHING he wanted, it would be traveling from town to town watching nieces and nephews play sports.  And eating at Wendy's.  So this was a good start to his birthday trip. 

We awoke at 4:45 a.m. the next morning and got ready to take off to the airport.  We tip-toed around the house trying not to wake anyone that DIDN'T need to be up (since it was already summer break for the kids).  And we did a pretty good job until Brian opened the front door to take luggage out to the Jeep.  And forgetting that they had just installed a home security system.  So, the whole house was soon awake from the ear piercing screech, phone ringing and feet pounding around trying to turn it off.  I prayed this wasn't a sign to how the trip was going to be.

After all the excitement, we loaded up and we were off.  We got  checked in and through security with no problem and found our gate with no bumps.  We grabbed a airport breakfast and waited for our turn to take off......I am going to pause her and fill you in on a little known fact about me.  I LOVE vacations, but HATE pre-flight.  NOT flying, but before.  "Are we at  the right gate? Are our seats together?  Do we have all our paper-work? Is Daylen going to get sick?  Will I hear our flight being announced?  Will we make our connecting flight?  Will they mis-place our reservations?  Did I make the correct hotel reservations? ETC..." 

But once we got in the air I was a little calmer and ready for a nap.  Dayeln was excited to see the world below slowly disappear.  It wasn't until the last fifteen minutes he started freaking out, maybe the ear pressure, maybe it was from waking up for the little cat nap and not realizing where he was, maybe it was his tummy... we are not too sure, but we were all ready to land.  Brian and I looked at each other and we each knew that we too were not LOVING this flight.  Our tummys were not liking us very much.  Thankfully we had a good 2 hours to recoup before our next flight.  Within 15 minutes of being on the ground Daylen and Brian were looking for lunch and were normal....me on the other hand....NOT SO MUCH!!!  They grabbed onion rings and pizza slices....I grabbed a VERY dry granola bar and bottle of water. 

I am happy to say that our next flight went smoother and we got to Nassau not as green.

Since The Bahamas is NOT America and they drive on the left side (and renting a car is almost triple the amount we would pay state side) we decided we would take advantage of their public transportation. As our bus driver drove us to our resort he joked about local custom and the reminded us of differences between The States and The Bahamas.  But I will admit I didn't pay much attention as I gazed out onto their BEAUTIFUL CLEAR ocean and WHITE sand beaches.  15 minutes later we pulled up to our resort (Sheraton Nassau Beach Resort) and were thrilled with the beauty.  If you are looking for a low key, friendly, comfortable, clean, family friendly resort....this is the place.

Our next days were filled with sight seeing, sand castle building, swimming pools, and connecting with friends......This is where I tell you about one of the highlights of the trip.  Brian's college roommate/ fellow basketball player and another college friend are originally from Nassau.  After college they returned and now have families of their own.  So, after some phone tag we were able to finally meet up.  It was such a joy for me to see Brian's excitement as he connected with these two guys after 15 years.  We visited in the hotel lobby for a little bit, but then I took Daylen back to the room for bed and let the guys visit.  When Brian returned at 2 a.m. (four hours after meeting) I knew he had a good time. 

If you are still reading and I have not bored you out of your mind yet....I would like to tell you about another resort (just in case you are planning a trip and are curious)

Chevvy (one of Brian's friends) and his two boys (12 and 7) showed us around the island one day.  And one of the things we did was visit "Atlantis".  If you have looked at visiting Nassau you have heard of this place.  It is a MASSIVE resort.  The entire island is this resort (Paradise Island).  You could go here for a week and NEVER have to leave the resort.  Multiple hotels all styles and prices.  Any type of food you could imagine.  Stores grocery, high end clothing, low end clothing, jewelry, cigars, trinkets, toys, shoes...etc..., AND plenty plenty plenty to do, casino, pool, swim with sting rays, swim with dolphins, snorkel, aquatic museum, water slides, WATER SLIDES...the list goes on.  We were there for a little over 2 hours and we walked the entire island...so it's not huge.  This also means that it is packed in there.  If you like to go on vacation and have everything at your finger tips and like to be around lots and lots of people...this place is for you.  Or if you are taking kids Jr. high -High School....this also the place for you.  If you are going to learn the culture and rather have a "relaxing" time....this is NOT for you.  ALSO....if you like beaches over pools...this might not be the best.  There is a beach, but it is filled with water activities jet skis, para-sailing, skiing...etc...  This is, for sure, a pool resort. 

All in All....we had an amazing vacation.  We enjoyed our time as a family, and with our new friends.  The Bahamas will be seeing us again.......Hopefully sooner than later! ;) 

 

"The Shape of Us"

You're no longer alone.

We've found a space to name our own.

There aint no need to fret or fuss.

We've got all the strength we need in the shape of us.

And I know you've had it tough.

Your road's been bumpy and rough.

But say goodbye to a world that you once knew.

I have every faith in me and you.

Hold my hand.

Hold my heart.

Let go your fears.

Darling I will always be here.

I never felt quite so at home.

Your sweet caress is the best I've known.

Now that I've proved to you that I'm worthy of your trust.

Let us build a world in the shape of us.

Darling I will always be here.

"The Shape of Us" by Ian Britt.

 

 

I heard this song while watching TV and really liked the sound...so in true "Mandy Form" I grabbed my ipod and downloaded it.  It wasn't until the next day when I REALLY heard it.  It has now become our family theme song. 

  

Isn't it the way it is suppose to be....."We have all the strength we need....in the shape of us". 

A little story of me and Brian.  Brian is six years older than I am, we knew of each other long before we spoke.  We grew up in the same town, graduated from the same high school, and even went to the same college two hours away.  He was the baseball coach at the college when I was a Freshman and Sophomore.  That is when I fell in love.  I LOVE baseball (something passed down to me from my maternal-grandfather) so I would drag my roommates to the games.  And watching him in his uniform, coaching...I would jokingly tell my friends, "I am going to marry him".  They would roll their eyes, and we would go about our day.......seven years later, I did marry him. YIPPEEEE!!!

When you find your mate...it feels like home.  We could be thousands of miles away, but if I am with Brian, I am HOME.  I could be lost in a crowd and have no idea where I am, but as soon as my eyes lock with his, I am HOME. 

And when you are HOME with someone, you soon form a new shape.  It is no longer two separate forms that move.  It is ONE shape.  And that shape that is formed is as unique as a finger print.

 And now, we add a new little form into our shape...again...it changes shapes and adapts, but it doesn't pull apart.  And no one can take the place of any part of that shape. 

"We've got all the strength we need in the shape of us."

Vacation

My favorite, favorite, favorite vacation spot is Maui, Hawaii.  If I was given a two weeks, endless amounts of money and anywhere I wanted to go...it would be Maui.  Last year, in the midst of a hectic day, I text a girl-friend and asked her how much a trip to Hawaii would have to be for her to say,  "lets go".  We had a good laugh over it and passed by.  That night I told Brian about the "joke" and to my complete SHOCK, he seriously shot out an amount.  I looked up from my dinner plate and clarified, "So...you are saying, if I find a package for $ you would be ok with me going?"

"Yea....but the next time we go to a tropical spot it has to be Bahamas".........(I am going to pause here and tell you this.  For his HS. Senior Year trip, Brian's class took a cruise and spent a day in Freeport, Bahamas.  Later in college, his roommate was from Nassau, Bahamas.  And ever since our honeymoon on Maui, he had kidded me about the Bahamas being prettier)..........

So, need-less-to-say, I went to Maui with my friend, and almost the second I got home, I started researching The Bahamas.  My plan was to surprise Brian for his 40th birthday.....but.....considering we both needed to update our passports, and we both needed to be there to get Daylen's passport...things just were easier if I told him. 

I tell you all that to tell you this....I am beyond excited to go on this vacation with my two guys.  It's not that we have not gone on vacation together...we go every year....but I think it's a combination of things.  Daylen is so excited to ride in an "airpane" and "swim with the dophins" he asks almost every day if we are going yet.  AND seeing Brian getting excited about going is VERY exciting for me. 

A little back ground on Brian.  He is a very laid-back, kind, selfless, patient, man.  He NEVER asks for things for himself, so seeing him getting excited about something planned for HIM, makes this WAY fun. 

As Moms, we spend so much time making sure our children are having fun, healthy, fed, happy, etc.  We don't "forget" our husbands, but we don't pay as much attention to them.  Let's take some time and do something ONLY for our husbands.  Maybe a trip, maybe their favorite dinner, watch one of their "too stupid it's funny" movies.

Just because they don't "demand" our attention as our children do, doesn't mean they don't need it.

So....I will report back and let you know if Maui or Nassau, Bahamas has better beaches!   Stay tuned.

It has been a "touchy" few weeks.  It all started back in October when I went to my "yearly Dr. apt."  I had been complaining about severe pain during my time of the month.  So, the typical thing happens and you listen to all the "maybes" and "could bes" and take one step at a time. 

On a hunch, my Dr. ordered an ultra sound.  That was way more "involved" than I had anticipated, but if this would answer questions, I guess I do it.

A few days later I played phone tag with the nurse.  And it wasn't till much later while on my way to watch my niece when I finally made contact.  (Note to self: NEVER call for test results while driving)  The nurse proceeded to inform me that there was a large mass in my uterus.  And that it was unlikely but there was a small chance of cancer.  They had ordered for a CT scan and wanted me to report that afternoon for more blood tests.  I hung up the phone with a huge question mark hanging over my head!  Cancer?!?!? 

I drove home later that day with my rear view mirror pointing at Daylen.  I am not ashamed to admit that I cried.....HARD and had a very long conversation with God.  My one prayer....., "Dear Lord Don't take me from them! (Daylen and Brian) Dear Lord Don't take me from them!  Dear Lord Don't take me from them!  Over and over. 

Later that night, after Daylen was asleep and the house was tucked away for the night, I laid my head on Brian's chest and cried again.  He said nothing....just held me, and that was all I wanted.  Questions filled my head, IF it is cancer, how far along, can it be treated, what will it mean for Daylen, what will it mean for Brian, do we go for second opinion, do we go for third opinion, will I be able to be a wife and a mother...somewhere in the mix of questions I fell asleep. 

I reported to the CT scan the next week,  with about as much concern and even more questions.  And the worse thing I can say about that scan was that I had to drink this amazingly horrible liquid. 

It wasn't until the next week when I finally got those results.....a tumor.  A very large tumor that made it's home so close to my left ovary it has attached itself to it.  So, this meant surgery.  It had to be removed if it was or if it was NOT cancer. 

This brought about a whole other range of worries.  Pain, will I wake up after, will I wake up during, (let me pause here and remind you that I am an avid Grey's Anatomy watcher....not a good combo) I replayed episodes in my mind of everything that went wrong...even the WAY crazy ones when the gun man broke into the hospital to seak revenge on the Dr. that he believed killed his wife. 

Before long it was Nov. 15 and it was the day of surgery.  And by the Grace of God, I went into that hospital with great Peace in my heart.  When the surgical nurse came to get me I was pleasantly surprised that I recognized her face.  She was a member at the YMCA while I worked there and we passed pleasantries daily.  The next nurse...the same. The next nurse....a friend of a friend.  My worries and fears fell further away. 

I was awaken two hours later by gentle touches and soft words of a nurse.  And the first thing that was spoken to me was, "The tumor was NOT cancer." 

Once I was awake enough to understand, and when Brian was once again by my side, I was told that I had an ovarian tumor that was the size of a football.....A FOOTBALL!   I was seriously hoping that it was going to count for about 50 pounds of my body weight...but I have yet to find that out!

Today as I sit on the couch and allow my four inch incision to heal I smile at the worries that I allowed to cloud my mind, I praise God for guiding the Dr.'s hands and his thoughts to schedule that initial ultra sound, I laugh at the comfort of familiar faces of nurses, and the answer to prayer, "God dont' take me from them!"  

I abobt it, Momma

My all time favorite store is Hobby Lobby.  I could, and have, spent hours just walking around that place.  So, now it has become one of Daylen's most comfortable stores....meaning....he knows what I expect of him when we walk into the building.  And he is very obedient.  He knows not to touch, to stay close to me, to ask before he looks at something, when Mom says "STOP" he freezes, and if he is REALLY REALLY good, he might get to pick a toy out of the $1 bin. 

The last time we were there he did exactly what was asked of him.  So, like promised, he got to pick a toy out.  Today's choice was a chunky, little, red and blue dump truck.  He held it close to his chest as I paid for our purchases and we walked out to the car. 

I strapped him into his seat and began emptying the cart when I heard him whimpering softly.  After I got everything tucked away, I opened his door to check what the issue was. 

I quickly noticed that he was playing with his dump truck.  I asked him what was wrong.  With his eyes squinted and the corners of his mouth forced downward he said, "bump tuck sad."

"Why is the dump truck sad"

"Hims house." As his chubby little finger pointed to the Hobby Lobby building.

"Does the dump truck miss his house?"

"Ye'th"

"Do we need to take the dump truck back to his house?"

A couple seconds of silence

"No Momma, I Yuv him, I abobpt him" As he pulls the little truck into his chest and hugs it to himself.

"Oh, You will adopt him and take care of him?" Said through choked back tears and cracking voice.

"Ye-th" with a wide bright smile.

I climbed into my seat and pulled out the box of Kleenex's from the glove compartment.  So, much joy was busting within me at that moment!  For three years we have told him, he is loved, we adopted him because we loved him, we loved him from the match call, we love him, he is adopted and he is loved, he is loved, he is loved, he is loved...And at that very moment by him saying, "I Yuv him, I abobpt him"  he told me that it is all sinking in. ................even if it is through a $1 bump tuck!

Not from my body, but from my heart

My favorite night for TV watching is Thursday night.  Grey's Anatomy and Private Practice to be specific. 

So, last night after day was in bed I turned on the DVR and watched them both.  If you watch them you will know that on Grey's, there is a serious adoption story going along and it about tore my heart out watching it.  If you don't watch it....two of the doctors that are married are in the process of adopting a little girl and are at risk of loosing her.  Watching them go through that fear of loosing her hit really close to home!.....But I don't want to talk about that today, I want to talk about what happened on Private Practice. 

There was a young woman that wanted to have a baby but she was born without a uterus.  So, she was going to get a transplant one from her Grandmother. (I know a little ridiculous, but keep with me).  As one of the doctors was consulting with her and asking her what her reason was for wanting to go through this process. The young woman dwelled on the fact that she wanted a baby of her own.  "MY OWN"  This is what I want to focus on.

Maybe it is because I am at a very different place, or maybe I just wasn't born with that desire, but I NEVER once looked at Daylen and didn't/don't think he's not MY OWN.  From the moment we got that phone call saying we were chosen by a birth mom, he was MINE/OURS.  I love him as much as I would love a child from my body.  Delivering a child didn't make me a Momma. The changing dirty diapers, 4 a.m. feedings, staying up all night praying a fever breaks, cleaning scrapes, kissing boo boos, hugs, kisses, loving.....These are the things that make me a Momma. 

Not to keep you "hanging", they did go through with the procedure, but it did not work.  She will not be able to carry a child.  When the doctor (the very handsome Benjamin Brat) was explaining what happened to her, he told her, that if her mother was standing there with her, she would have said, that it wasn't the delivering of her that made her a mother. 

Sadly, I think we all have seen or even know women and men that have delivered a child and they don't make very good parents.  I may have not delivered my son, but I am a VERY good Momma to him (if I do say so myself). 

I have been asked if I regret not having a child of MY OWN.  My reply is always the same, "I do have a child of my own.  He's standing right over there.  And if you ask him who is Momma is, he will point to me!"

" I Love You the Most"

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One of my favorite parts of the day is Day's bed time. Not because I like to have "alone" time or because I want to get something done....it's because of the routine. It's the time when I can turn off all the surroundings, all the distractions, all the noise, and just talk to Daylen. We started playing a game a few months back where I would say, "I love this...." and say something that was in the room. Daylen caught on and he started blurting out things, so it became, "I love this......LIGHT." We do a few rounds, but I would always end with saying....."I love YOU the MOST." A couple weeks ago, we headed up stairs and started the bedtime routine, I sat down next to the bed helped Day with his prayers, and started the "I Love this...." After a brief pause Daylen looked direct into my eyes and said, "You the Most". I had to work pretty hard to blink back the tears. I couldn't help but pick him up out of bed and squeeze him. After a few moments of extra hug and kiss time I put him back in bed and he blurted out.....TURTLE. So, it was my que that "mushee" time was over. "I love the......BLANKIE"...I love the........BOOK"........"I love the.......TRASH CAN"......"I love YOU the MOST"...."Love Momma Most" I honestly do love him the absolute most! I don't know where I would be without my two guys. I feel so loved every day. I am blessed to have a husband that doesn't get embarassed to say "I love You" infront of his friends, or doesn't care if he just said it ten minutes ago....he makes sure I hear those words multiple times a day. And my favorite part is that he is teaching his son that exact thing. "I love them the MOST"