Something a non-adoptive birth parent probably never thinks about is the word "REAL". But this is a word that has become one that has brought about a great deal of emotion for Brian and I.
When we first got Daylen and introduced him to all of our friends and family, one question that was often asked was, "Did you get to meet his real mom?" It always would bring a tug to our hearts and a tiny lump to our throats, but not wanting to hurt feelings we would just answer, "Yes, we were able to talk with her for the few days we were in the hospital."
We would often discuss these moments and question our reaction. What I really wanted to say is, "Are my breaths real? Is my skin real? Is my love for this perfect child real? Is the worry of him being taken away from us at any given moment real? Is waking up in the middle of the night just to see if he's breathing real? Are the tears of complete delight real? And are the tears of complete fear real?" But of course this was not a response I would want to give. So we decided on a reaction that would be more appropriate. "Yes we were able to visit with his BIRTH MOM when we were there."
It didn't take long for people to catch on to what we were saying. So, for you adoptive parents out there.....NEVER feel as if you are not REAL! You are more than real to your child. Your hugs and kisses are real. Your smiles and cheers are real. Your complete Joy is real!!! And for you non-adoptive parents...unless you are talking to a cardboard cut out, please don't assume they are not real. Their feelings are very real and the love they have for that child they are holding is more real than one could ever imagine.
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