The Hardest Good-bye in History

After 23 hours in a car, two and a half days as hospital visitors, four meals in the hospital cafeteria, a VERY emotional phone call with our lawyer, and many heart to heart conversations with Ashley. It was finally time to take our son and go to our hotel and start our new life.

The day started normally. We got to our room, visited with Ashley, adored Daylen, visited with nurses and social workers,and played some cards. Our routine while we had been there. We were told that we would be able to released as soon as the Dr. checked them, so we watched the clock and tapped our toe until she finally came in. When she gave us the o.k. we could hardly contain ourselves. We were so anxious. One of the nurses, Melissa, (our favorite) came in and was going through some discharge information with us. Somewhere in the excitement I missed my phone ringing. I finally realized the missed call and message. The case worker had called to inform me that there was an issue with the Birth Certificate. It seemed as if the birth father's name was on it. By hospital policy, if the father's name is listed then he has to be at the hospital for discharge. Now in a traditional setting this wouldn't appear to be a big deal, but in our setting.....it was a HUGE DEAL! We, nor Ashley had, had ANY contact with him. We didn't even know where to find him, let alone get him to come to the hospital.

With the quick work of the our favorite nurse, our favorite hospital case worker and a really great social worker the issue was resolved in three and a half short hours! (gulp) As I sat in the room adoring my son I realized that in three more hours I would walk out of that room with my new family, but Ashley would be left in that room with no one. Watching her personality through the morning I knew she was thinking the same thing. I suggested to Brian that he and I walk down to the cafeteria and get some lunch. What I was REALLY suggesting was that we left the room for some time to allow Ashley to have those last few hours with Daylen. Maybe she wanted to say something to him, maybe she just wanted to hold him, maybe she wanted to do nothing but stare at him. Whatever it may be, I wanted to allow her the space to do that.

We stayed out of the room for a good three hours. I don't know what was said or done in those hours, and I don't want to know. That is theirs.

When we figured it was about time for all the appropriate people to be around we returned to the room. Ashley and Daylen were both napping. She in her bed and Daylen in his "crib" both facing each other. Brian and I softly walked in and watched T.V. About ten minutes later the room was full....two hospital case workers, one social worker, and a Notary Public came in with looks of delight/sadness. My stomach sank, it was time. How could my heart be half full of joy and half full of sadness. These two emotions were literally fighting each other within me. As hard as I tried, I couldn't look at Ashley. I focused on the bundle she was holding.

One of the social workers read some words to Ashley, Ashley signed some paper, we signed some papers, the Notary signed and it was done. The case worker looked at me smiled and said, "O.K. You can go.".....It sounded simple, yet my body was froze. Something I longed for was finally here, and I ached to do it. I felt myself walk to the side of Ashley's bed. She was curled over our son sobbing. I heard her softly whisper, "It's good, I will be O.K." I bent over and she placed this magical gift in my arms. Her tears of pain, and my tears of joy both fell on the little cheek that bonded us forever. I pressed my cheek to hers and whispered, "We will always love you."

Moments later Brian, myself, and OUR SON stood in the hallway in a tight, tearful embrace. The moment we had waited on had finally arrived. We were now a family of three. I never knew that becoming the family I longed for would require such a difficult good-bye.