Do I look Real?

Something a non-adoptive birth parent probably never thinks about is the word "REAL". But this is a word that has become one that has brought about a great deal of emotion for Brian and I.

When we first got Daylen and introduced him to all of our friends and family, one question that was often asked was, "Did you get to meet his real mom?" It always would bring a tug to our hearts and a tiny lump to our throats, but not wanting to hurt feelings we would just answer, "Yes, we were able to talk with her for the few days we were in the hospital."

We would often discuss these moments and question our reaction. What I really wanted to say is, "Are my breaths real? Is my skin real? Is my love for this perfect child real? Is the worry of him being taken away from us at any given moment real? Is waking up in the middle of the night just to see if he's breathing real? Are the tears of complete delight real? And are the tears of complete fear real?" But of course this was not a response I would want to give. So we decided on a reaction that would be more appropriate. "Yes we were able to visit with his BIRTH MOM when we were there."

It didn't take long for people to catch on to what we were saying. So, for you adoptive parents out there.....NEVER feel as if you are not REAL! You are more than real to your child. Your hugs and kisses are real. Your smiles and cheers are real. Your complete Joy is real!!! And for you non-adoptive parents...unless you are talking to a cardboard cut out, please don't assume they are not real. Their feelings are very real and the love they have for that child they are holding is more real than one could ever imagine.

Traditions

It's Christmas time!! My favorite time of year! I LOVE the lights, songs, cookies, movies...all of it. And I have a few traditions I like to practice. I like cutting down a fresh tree, and going home to decorate it while watching a Christmas movie. And when it's decorated we turn all the lights in the house off and turn on the tree lights. Then we wrap up in blankets and go look at the house from outside. Crazy? Maybe! But it's what we do.

This year was the first year that Daylen really got into the whole decorating thing. He loves the lights and was a amazed that we had a tree in the house. He walks around the house gently touching the decorations and turning on all the singing stuffed animals. It is such a joy having a child in the house at Christmas time. The magic comes back.

As I was watching him watch "Rudolph" I felt a tug at my heart. For every Christmas tradition I share with him, is one that his birth mom doesn't get. I am the one that gets to see his face on Christmas morning. I am the one that lets him eat Christmas cookies for breakfast. I am the one that shops for the perfect toy and wraps it up and nervously waits to see if he likes it. I guess I felt a little guilty.

So this year....a new tradition. Since we are blessed with an open adoption, we have the opportunity to share pictures and letters. We are picking a few extra pictures this year and making a "Year Journal" for Ashley (our birth mom). We chose pictures of our year and I downloaded them to a little scarp book (Shutterfly, Walgreens, Snapfish, etc. They all have them) with the story of what we were doing.
We send pictures through the year, but most of them are of Daylen. These are of all of us "living our traditions". I figure as Day gets older he will be able to help us pick out pictures and tell us what he wants to say about them.

I am not trying to fill a void. I am only trying to build a bridge that joins us together a little easier. So she can see what his life is and I pray she sees it as what she wanted for him.