Placing....Not Giving Up

Brian and I were flipping through channels the other day when a movie caught his attention. It was one of those "dumb funny" ones. The kind that you roll your eyes at most of the time, but find yourself laughing at the most ridiculous things. The back story was about this guy that was adopted and he was out searching for his biological parents. The phrase that kept being tossed around was, "They gave you up for adoption." This sparked a conversation between Brian and I. When I hear "give up" I think that they literally gave up on the child.

I understand, in some cases, this is true. Some birth-moms leave their child on a doorstep, or in the hospital, or they just don't take care of them so the child is taken from them. So, I guess this phrase would be more appropriate. But in our case.....this is NOT true. I prefer to say that Daylen was placed for adoption. He was literally placed in my arms by his birth-mom. She cried as she said good-bye. She searched for a family that would love and care for him. So, NO she didn't GIVE HIM UP.....She loving PLACED him.

Yes it is a small phrase and one that is overlooked most of the time. But it is a phrase I will NEVER use around my son! I will always explain to him that his birth-mom carried him for 9 months, delivered him and then placed him in my arms in adoption. I do not want him to ever have the feeling of being abandoned or left or gave up on. I want him to KNOW that he us PLACED LOVINGLY!

Sweet Sounds

Some may not admit it, but I honestly believe that the scariest part of being an adoptive parent (other than the birth-parents reconsidering, during the waiting period) is the possibility of not making a bond with your child. I blame the Lifetime Movie Network, Dr. Phil and Opera for this scare. They rarely make movies of adoptive families that are perfectly happy, or they next to never have guests that were adopted and have gone on to become a successful member of society. Why? They exist! Hundreds of us are Adoption Success Stories!

But before I knew we were going to be a "success Story" I was worried about the same exact things! (Again because I was watching A LOT of Daytime T.V.) I read the books, I asked opinions, I slept with blankets that we would put in the crib, I wrote in journals, I lived on "Google" seeing what others said, I prayed, and prayed, and prayed!

Then I walked into the hospital room and held MY son. The bond was instant. He laid his head on my chest and closed his eyes. Not one cry, not one stiffening, not one concern. His little hand reached up and took hold of my necklace and still to this day when he is sleepy and we are cuddling he grabs onto that necklace. It was obvious that we were bonded.

As he got a little older, little things reconfirmed that fact for me. And most of them were very small. Like when he was learning to walk and his little hands were holing onto my finger. Or when he was learning to run and fell and he reached out to me for comfort and laid his head on my shoulder. The time he was shooting hoops at the "Big Hoop" and made it,then scanned the room to find me to make sure I was watching him and waited for me to clap and say Good Job until he would try again (even though there were at least twenty other people cheering him on). And even the first couple of moments after getting up from a nap and he just wants to sit on my lap and cuddle. One of my favorites happened right after this picture was taken. When Day crawled over to Brian and planted a kiss on his cheek and wrapped his tiny arms around his neck.

So, Yes I would say that those movies and all those talk shows are only showing a very small percentage of the adoption world. All that is needed for that bond to take place is unconditional love!