Not from my body, but from my heart

My favorite night for TV watching is Thursday night.  Grey's Anatomy and Private Practice to be specific. 

So, last night after day was in bed I turned on the DVR and watched them both.  If you watch them you will know that on Grey's, there is a serious adoption story going along and it about tore my heart out watching it.  If you don't watch it....two of the doctors that are married are in the process of adopting a little girl and are at risk of loosing her.  Watching them go through that fear of loosing her hit really close to home!.....But I don't want to talk about that today, I want to talk about what happened on Private Practice. 

There was a young woman that wanted to have a baby but she was born without a uterus.  So, she was going to get a transplant one from her Grandmother. (I know a little ridiculous, but keep with me).  As one of the doctors was consulting with her and asking her what her reason was for wanting to go through this process. The young woman dwelled on the fact that she wanted a baby of her own.  "MY OWN"  This is what I want to focus on.

Maybe it is because I am at a very different place, or maybe I just wasn't born with that desire, but I NEVER once looked at Daylen and didn't/don't think he's not MY OWN.  From the moment we got that phone call saying we were chosen by a birth mom, he was MINE/OURS.  I love him as much as I would love a child from my body.  Delivering a child didn't make me a Momma. The changing dirty diapers, 4 a.m. feedings, staying up all night praying a fever breaks, cleaning scrapes, kissing boo boos, hugs, kisses, loving.....These are the things that make me a Momma. 

Not to keep you "hanging", they did go through with the procedure, but it did not work.  She will not be able to carry a child.  When the doctor (the very handsome Benjamin Brat) was explaining what happened to her, he told her, that if her mother was standing there with her, she would have said, that it wasn't the delivering of her that made her a mother. 

Sadly, I think we all have seen or even know women and men that have delivered a child and they don't make very good parents.  I may have not delivered my son, but I am a VERY good Momma to him (if I do say so myself). 

I have been asked if I regret not having a child of MY OWN.  My reply is always the same, "I do have a child of my own.  He's standing right over there.  And if you ask him who is Momma is, he will point to me!"

" I Love You the Most"

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One of my favorite parts of the day is Day's bed time. Not because I like to have "alone" time or because I want to get something done....it's because of the routine. It's the time when I can turn off all the surroundings, all the distractions, all the noise, and just talk to Daylen. We started playing a game a few months back where I would say, "I love this...." and say something that was in the room. Daylen caught on and he started blurting out things, so it became, "I love this......LIGHT." We do a few rounds, but I would always end with saying....."I love YOU the MOST." A couple weeks ago, we headed up stairs and started the bedtime routine, I sat down next to the bed helped Day with his prayers, and started the "I Love this...." After a brief pause Daylen looked direct into my eyes and said, "You the Most". I had to work pretty hard to blink back the tears. I couldn't help but pick him up out of bed and squeeze him. After a few moments of extra hug and kiss time I put him back in bed and he blurted out.....TURTLE. So, it was my que that "mushee" time was over. "I love the......BLANKIE"...I love the........BOOK"........"I love the.......TRASH CAN"......"I love YOU the MOST"...."Love Momma Most" I honestly do love him the absolute most! I don't know where I would be without my two guys. I feel so loved every day. I am blessed to have a husband that doesn't get embarassed to say "I love You" infront of his friends, or doesn't care if he just said it ten minutes ago....he makes sure I hear those words multiple times a day. And my favorite part is that he is teaching his son that exact thing. "I love them the MOST"